Clients, please, let me assure you that this is not about you.
I simply want to recall
some of the funniest weddings I have ever encountered. Incidents that happened
prior to, during and after weddings that were truly hilarious as well as
thought-provoking!
So, this stormy day,
Youngest Daughter and I talk about wedding anecdotes that I can remember and
unbelievably, these are purely culled from experiences of family members.
My biggest blessing
in life, I can truly declare, was having a very voluble mother with an elephant’s
memory for details. Mama had a treasure
trove of awfully comical episodes during family events especially weddings
because she was always in the hub of the activities as part planner and part
executor. Despite being young at those
times, I could still vividly picture her animation when recounting these family
secrets.
Most of my older
male cousins on my Chinese side were married off observing the traditional pre-arranged
marriage. First, a matchmaker would be
consulted on possible matches based on birth signs and family backgrounds. Then, the protagonists were introduced. Often, “accidental” meetings were organized
so that the youngsters can size up the other party. If both liked what they saw, then a formal
introduction was managed. From there,
parents supervised the dating process until such time that they decided it time
to hold the formal engagement.
Traditional Chinese
engagement parties are colorful events with both affianced families preparing
months in advance to pull off a proper one.
As far as I can remember, the family of the prospective groom brings
with them offerings of food, bales of fabrics for the bride’s trousseau, and
sets of jewelry. This, of course, would
include the engagement ring the size of which would have been previously discussed
and agreed upon by the mothers.
I remember watching
from the sidelines as adults busied themselves preparing all those offerings
for the bride’s family. They used big
red containers that resembled extra large size “prembrera”s to store the food
items such as misua, fruits, cans of pork legs, red “ampao”s, siopao-like
mamons made from sweet potato flour. All
items were symbolical of something good for the forthcoming marriage.
The engagement
ceremony, frankly, never interested me and all I could recall is that the
couple would do the rounds of elders offering misua with egg in small bowls and
something that looked like dehydrated dates in sweetened water. Elders from both families were introduced and
given the opportunity to get to know each other better. Honestly, I don’t think they even cared about
the young couple getting married. What
must have been paramount was the network, and new family ties that were being
cemented!
Even then, I had
this impression that Chinese weddings were never taxing to the bride or groom. It was always the mothers who worked to pull
off a grand event. Depending upon religious
beliefs, wedding ceremonies were held either in a Catholic/Protestant church or
the social hall belonging to the family’s affiliation. By the latter, I refer to the association of
families with the same surnames or those who claim to have originated from the
same village in China. Reception was
either held in restaurants or spacious ancestral homes. An open house was held where the newly
married couple’s bedroom displayed all the jewelry, gift checks, trousseau,
and appliances brought in by the bride and groom. Everything was laid out for guests’
inspection. Thus, another wedding
wrapped up and mothers preened before everybody and hoped that the event will
be mentioned in the newspapers as well as discussed in social gatherings.
With the best of
intentions and planning, however, something or rather, someone, almost always got
upset!
One indelible memory
is of a male cousin sobbing and crying all the way to the wedding ceremony
simply because he was so against his own marriage! Months prior to the event, arguments raged
between him and my uncle because he just was not ready. But – it was a good match and he was of
age. It had to be done! Like any obedient child of that generation,
he dutifully married the chosen bride in between tearful hiccups and lived a
peaceful and fruitful life to this day. They
now boast of a lawyer, a doctor, a topnotch computer geek, and a retired CFO of
a multinational among their successful brood.
Not bad. Proof of the marriage’s
stability is a recent incident when a pretty young lady came to visit. The wife opened the door and immediately knew
it was for her husband. How she
knew? The lady looked exactly like their
daughter! Apparently, this young lady is
my cousin’s illegitimate daughter that he lost touch with. Anyway, she just wanted him to walk her down
the aisle – that was all she asked. The
wife was cool with it. No fuss!
Another cousin was
married with an extended coverage of scandal in the newspapers immediately
after the engagement. Without the
knowledge of both pairs of parents, it appeared that my cousin’s fiancée had a
boyfriend vehemently fighting to keep his girl.
He was poor albeit with plenty of contacts in the media. Sadly, he would never have measured up to the
girl’s family’s financial standards.
Much like modern day scandals, the boyfriend resorted to publishing
pictures of the illicit lovers in compromising situations. Something seldom heard of in those days. My uncle was having second thoughts about
pushing through with the wedding and was often heard to be saying that he
bought the wrong merchandise. In the
end, with the girl’s parents relentlessly pursuing the union, my cousin married
this lady. Noteworthy, of course, was the obvious sign of
pregnancy of the bride! Another eyebrow-raising
development! From the get-go, this was a
union marked by hysterical and noisy bickering.
My cousin soon learned to simply walk out and return home only when
things cooled down. Now in their
seventies, they look like they lived a happy life even though many secrets remained
unraveled.
The formal
engagement of another cousin was marked with much antagonism. The problem arose from the fact that my aunt
could not find the size of diamond for the engagement ring as per agreement. She made a trip to Hongkong to find such a one
to no avail. Since the engagement day
was predetermined by feng shui, she was constrained to buy the next best thing. The future bride’s mother did not take too
kindly to this shortcoming and chose to snub the groom’s family throughout the
ceremony. All their gifts were returned
after the engagement ceremony which fact sent my aunt crying all the way
home. Traditionally, you see, the gifts
must be divided at the end of the day with the future bride’s family retaining
half and sending back the other half.
Returning everything simply meant that the union was not approved
of. By this time, however, my cousin and
his fiancée had fallen in love and could no longer be deterred from going ahead
with the wedding. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…
nothing that the bride’s mother could do could distance the future bride from
her groom. The wedding pushed through as
scheduled so I guess, they were not that obedient a generation, after all! My cousin was quite a catch; good-looking,
personable and a board exam topnotcher to boot! They, too, created a happy, loving and
spiritual life together. They had the
usual financial challenges but they remained such an ideal couple until my
cousin passed away from illness some years back.
A favorite wedding
episode is that of another cousin, my uncle’s illegitimate son. Notwithstanding his status, he was accepted
openly in the family with my kind hearted aunt leading by example. When it was time, however, for him to be
married, my normally gentle aunt suddenly put her foot down to my uncle’s
presence at the event. Her reason was
that the prospective bride being the daughter of a well respected, high
profile, wealthy merchant in the community, it was going to be a high profile
wedding. For my uncle to appear beside
his mistress and show themselves off to the society as father and mother of the
groom will bring my aunt much shame.
Undaunted, my uncle was decided to grace the wedding. He did not reckon that my aunt locked up all
of his garments the night before and he was in his undergarments the whole day
with every one of us watching his moves.
Anyway, the wedding went ahead.
This couple proved to one and all that their relationship was sturdy and
steadfast. In their late sixties, they
are still together and still manage to travel all over the world. The lady in this union, however, is one
stubborn woman whose very words are followed as the law in their home. It had been their way since they were young
until the time when they raised their five sons. Surprisingly, you would think that this lady
would have learned her lesson from her own botched up wedding but no.
When her eldest son
was of marrying age, she started vetting possible candidates for his
bride. One had him smitten and the young
ones, of their own accord, developed a loving relationship. When it was time to discuss the engagement
and wedding, my cousins and four of their sons went to the lady’s family to
formally arrange the details of the union.
Through the discussion, the two mothers argued about petty details and
my cousin-in-law, the vixen that she had always been, suddenly stood up and
declared that this union is not possible.
When she glanced at the male members of her family, all of them stood up
in unison and silently trooped out of the meeting much like a bunch of soldiers
marching to her drum.
Soon, the young
couple eloped! So as not to make her son appear dishonorable, my cousin-in-law
arranged for them to be married. The
wedding was conducted not so much in conformity with tradition but simply to formalize
the union. Not a member of the bride’s
family came and she was in tears all throughout the ceremony.
Of course, all has
now been forgiven by the bride’s family; especially when the grandkids started
arriving.
Now and then, I get
to wonder how these characters could quibble and scandalize over some details
and yet, notwithstanding the furious thunder and lightning attending
preparations, the weddings still went through!
Up to now, I wonder if there is a formula to parentally arranged marriages
that these couples, in spite of the faulty starts, lived in wedded bliss and
balance to their old age.
It just reminds me
of that post in Facebook that I saw and shared one time. An obviously old couple was discussing what
they did right in their union and one said, “That’s because we belong to that
generation where when things are broken, we don’t throw them away. We fix them.” I guess, these couples must have done plenty
of fixing through the years.
