Are We Over-exposed?

     Half my day is spent on the road.  The Hubby and I drive through never ending traffic running errands here and there.  As always, when stuck in gridlock, we often find our conversations meandering towards the essential and the inane. 

     My scheming, inventive mind often wanders about the other passengers in cars surrounding us.  What frequently call my attention are the stickers that owners post on their vehicles. 

     For example, has anybody noticed that it has almost become de rigueur to have stickers of human caricatures of owner and family with name tags on them? 

     So, we are behind this car that had Daddy Gus, Mommy Minnie, Eldest son Migz, Second son Mac, Daughter Nina and Baby Bambam (sex unknown) – all holding hands – and Baby Bambam hanging on for dear life to doggie Wix!  To complement the caricatures, there are also stickers of Ateneo de Manila and Miriam College. 

     Now I see myself, a member of Dugo-dugo gang, ringing the family’s doorbell at a time when no one is around except the household helper.   The maid comes to the gate while tailed by a barking dog. 

     I say, “Ako si ako, parent ako ng classmate ni Mac sa Ateneo.  Pinapunta ako nila Gus at Minnie para kumuha ng pera sa kuwarto nila.  Naaksidente kasi si Mac sa school.  Dinala nila sa ospital kaya ako na ang pinapunta dito.” 

      (Translation for my non-Tagalog speaking friends – I am a parent of Mac’s classmate in Ateneo.  I was requested by Gus and Minnie to come get money from their room because Mac met an accident in school and they had to bring him to the hospital.)

     Wary, the maid answers. “Eh sir, kabilinbilinan po nila na huwag po ako magpapapasok ng hindi kilala.”

     (Sir, they had instructed that I should never to let strangers into the house.)

     “Okay lang yun.  Kaibigan ko sila at saka nagmamadali din ako kasi ako rin ang susundo kay Nina sa Miriam.  Baka kasi matagalan sila eh maghintay yung bata. “

    (It’s okay, you can let me in. I am their friend.  Besides, I am in a hurry because I still need to pick up Nina in Miriam.  Her parents might take long in the hospital and we don’t want her to wait.”

     The dog keeps barking so I say, “ Quiet, Wix!”

    By this time, the maid would be wondering if she can allow me in.  Why, I do know practically every member of the family!  Wonder of wonders, I even know the dog! 

     To knock out her qualms, I ask, “ Tulog ba si Bambam?”  (Is Bambam sleeping?)

    

     “Opo, kasama nga po ni Yaya.”  (Yes, the Yaya is with him/her.)

     Reluctantly, the maid opens the gate and allows me in.  She even points out where the masters’ bedroom is. 

     How easy it is to attack and conquer – all because of stickers in the car!  

     I wish I were a member of the Dugo-dugo gang so I could put my theories and imagination to a test!  Watch out, overexposed families, here I come!  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

Shame and Scandal in the Family

     A few days ago, I had the pleasure of spending the whole day with a client and her family on an out-of-town trip.  The family and most of the family details and secrets are familiar to me. 

     Anyway, in respect to their privacy, I am going to change the names of those concerned.  Definitely, though, they will be able to guess that they are the subject of this blog.

     Coming along on the trip was my client’s aunt, Ellen, and her husband, Ronnie.  It was only logical that they would want to come along because I was also the one who organized the wedding of their eldest son some years ago. 

     Ellen is a lovely lady who can narrate such interesting and hilarious stories.  Being Kapangpangan of origin, she has this particular accent that makes the telling so much more interesting and funnier.

     Because we were cooped up in the car for long hours, the stories ran from the dramatic to the hilarious. 

     Ellen suddenly remembered that her cousins in Pampanga are now the current talk of the town.  In the vernacular, “pinupulutan” and “pinagpi-piyestahan” since All Saints Day last year till the past Holy Week. 

     Ellen told of her aunt who died recently.  The aunt lived to her mid-eighties and her husband was in his early nineties.  Her uncle had Alzheimer’s disease so all the conjugal affairs were handled by Ellen’s aunt. 

     At one point, this aunt considered selling all the conjugal properties.  Seeking guidance from her eldest son, she told of plans to dispose the two properties they owned.  This son, who owns a bus liner, offered to buy the one which he can use for a garage.  The mother asked for Two Million Pesos for it and the son happily paid.  The other farm he passed up on because it was not useful for him.  Nevertheless, the second farm was sold for One Million Pesos.  The old couple, therefore, had Three Million Pesos added to their bank account.  

     Soon, one daughter came to borrow a few hundred thousand pesos to be used as capital for loan sharking in the market.  This daughter made good on the business because she was soon constructing her own house and bought a new car with the profits from the business. 

     Additionally, another daughter, this one residing in the United States, called to borrow half a million to finish her house.  The daughter reasoned that it would be better that she borrows from her parents instead of from the bank.  The amount was sent. 

     The person handling the couple’s account was another daughter who works in a bank.  Not to be outdone, this banker-daughter asked to borrow Eight Hundred Thousand Pesos to capitalize a business in partnership with some others.  

     Then, a son had an operation and the mother took care of his hospital bills because he works as an engineer in a government office and therefore has no means to finance his health care. 

     The mother died and even before the traditional forty days of prayers were over, the father followed.  During the wake of the father, there were already whispers among the siblings that an accounting of their parents’ estate should be done as soon as possible.  The eldest son, who used to handle the old couple’s finances, also wondered how it turned out that some other daughter now handled their parents’ money. 

     Few months without any development, the youngest son filed a complaint with the barangay to force his siblings to account for the estate.  This complaint surprised many in their community because the youngest son is the one who had solely inherited their ancestral home per an earlier agreement when their parents were still living.  Among all the siblings, therefore, the youngest son is the only one who received something tangible.  To top it all, the youngest son is married to the only daughter of a wealthy clan in the province and the couple, themselves, reside in the wife’s ancestral house with only her mother still alive. 

     Upon being called by the Barangay officials for a hearing, the banker daughter told her siblings that the business she went into failed and she offered a title to a farm as payment.  Said title was rejected by the siblings as useless because they wanted money.  

     The daughter who did well in the loan sharking business presented a list of expenses she incurred on behalf of her parents.  The list included tomatoes, onions and other spices used in cooking meals for the parents.  This daughter maintained that all the expenses must be offset against her debt.  As an aside, Ellen laughingly narrated that her uncle said the list was as long as the distance between their family’s farm to the town.  

     To ridicule his sister’s claims, the very rich eldest son also presented a list of expenses that he incurred on behalf of his parents.  The list was even longer than his sister’s but it included legitimate expenses such as salaries of caregivers that he hired for both their mother and father and daily food expenses that also had items from Jollibee, KFC and other fast food joints. 

     The daughter in the United States now refuses to answer their long-distanced calls and ignores all pleas to pay up.   

     So the search for the lost inheritance still goes on with the intervention of local government officials.  In the process, all the dirty linens are aired and skeletons in the cupboard are rattled for public consumption! 

     Ellen said that all updates she gets come from her only surviving maternal uncle, Tio Pio, who is gay.   Laughingly, she quipped that when Tio Pio dies, there will be another round of scandal that will rock their town.   It appears that Tio Pio has a predilection to collect ladies jewelry!  He, therefore, keeps a collection of choice jewelry worth a fortune plus stashes of cash that he keeps at home.   Why, Ellen chuckled that he even has boxes of Bagong Lipunan bills!     Every time Tio Pio goes on his annual US trip to visit relatives and friends, he would ask Ellen to personally conduct him from the province to Metro Manila.  He then brings his treasures for Ellen to safe keep.  

     He claims that he often missed some items or cash when he got back from such trips.  Of course, he suspected that no other but his caregivers stole from him.  His caregivers, by the way, are all nephews and nieces who each expect to inherit from him when he goes away for good!   

     Ellen then segued to her story of the inheritance that never was. - also involving her beloved and quirky uncle.  It seems that at one time, Tio Pio called for Ellen and showed her all his jewelries laid out on the bed.  Asking her to choose the pieces that she likes most, he said he will give these to her.  She chose a pair of earrings and matching ring and thanked her uncle for the generous gifts. 

     Ellen proudly wore this heirloom and every time she found any of her cousins scrutinizing them, she would exclaim right in front of Tio Pio and cousins that those were given.  This was so she would not later be accused of having stolen from her uncle.   Almost two years of enjoying the jewelry, she suddenly received repeated calls from her cousins asking her to return them.  According to her cousins, this was the request of Tio Pio.  Annoyed and insulted, Ellen made the trip to the province to confront her uncle.  In front of her cousins, she asked Tio Pio if he indeed requested for the jewelry to be given back.  The old man just clammed up and refused to say anything while her cousins looked on.  She then left the matching ring and earrings with no further comment.  She deduced that her cousins might have ganged up on and frightened Tio Pio into demand for the heirloom’s return.

     Ellen, however, related that she never changed towards her uncle.  Being the only surviving elder in their maternal clan, he received royal treatment from her and her family.  Every wish and caprice, she grants because she reasoned that he does not have long to live so why not just let him enjoy his remaining days.      

     Ellen and the rest of us expressed our wonder at how material wealth can change a family’s basic fiber. How characters that you have known from childhood can suddenly transform into strangers simply because someone died and left a chunk of treasure! 

    Well, I said, at least for me, my kids are lucky.  They don’t get to fight over any inheritance from moi or The Hubby.  Right now, we are only too happy to let it stay that way!    

Saying Goodbye

     I got a message yesterday from a young friend who has been trying hard to patch things up and reconcile two other ex-friends.  Out of frustration perhaps, this friend sought information from me as to the reason for the split.  Apparently, she had approached both friends and while Friend X was willing to patch things up, Friend Y was not.  Friend X professed not to know what the reason was for the sudden remoteness and indifference of Friend Y to him.  I had been unable to enlighten her because I treat whatever revelations there might have been as confidential unless given permission to talk about it.  All I could do was to advise this young friend to just let it be.  Some people never being destined to be together for long. 

     I added, though, that while the friendship lasts, we should all strive to make good memories together and when the time comes to part, to wish each other well.  Some may think this to be such a cold approach but as I have said before, I had been there and done that.  And, I have realized that despite the fact that some relationships have no formal closure, we manage to move on only because we have good memories of the time spent on the relationship. 

     I had this friend that I truly, truly loved!  We could have been two peas in a pod.  Both talkative, smart (ahem), and scheming, we spent endless hours on the phone planning our next attack on the human race in general.  We had our ups and downs, quarrels where we would not speak for months and months.  My cousin, Lyja, always attributed it to our conflicting Chinese signs.  He was a Monkey whle I was a Tiger and according to Lyja, we are just not meant to get involved in anything together.  It’s not good “chi”!  But, always, things were ironed out in the long run, mostly due to his efforts, and we would get together closer and rowdier than before. 

     Being gay, this friend was practically a pariah in his own family.  My family, on the other hand, welcomed him with sincere warmth and affection; and, always, he was treated with respect as all older members of the family deserve.  I never minded playing second fiddle to his ego either.  When he was invited to give a speech somewhere in a high end hotel, I did not mind asking The Hubby to drive him there and me acting as some sort of assistant carrying his briefcase and notes.  After we dropped him off, The Hubby and I took in a movie and waited for him to finish his business so we could pick him up at the hotel lobby – all to impress his hosts.  I always rounded up my daughters to assist in the events that he organized.  We always pretended that I was his assistant because his real hired assistants never lasted long.  What with his erratic temper!   We often started our day with our own version of “kapihan” (coffee session)  – on the phone.  He was somewhere at the far end of Quezon City while I was in the center of Manila.  The Hubby could always tell when this friend is on the line with me because of my raucous laughter.

     His weakness was in the way he managed his finances.  Often he would ask me to issue him blank checks for some unknown payee and fail to cover part of the amounts.  With another friend, he asked her to come along for an antique hunting trip where she bought so many items that he said he needed for a house he was decorating.  Of course, that was the last she saw of her items and money.  He hid from all of us for quite a while after that incident and only reappeared a year after.  I don’t know how he settled all of his obligations to this other friend but she later told me that in a friendship with him, we all just needed to decide which is more important for us – our money or our friend.   Needless to say, I had always chosen my friend.  Maybe some crazy part of me needed the unbalance he often provided.  Besides, I knew him also as a very generous person.  When I had someone come to me for help because this person could not pay her electric bills, I called my friend and asked if he was willing to go half and half with me to foot the bill.  I did not have enough spare cash then to cover the entire bill and I did not intend to collect the amount in the future even if the person was asking for a “loan”.  My friend readily agreed and sent the money to my bank the next day.   One Christmas, he decided he would single-handedly bring orphans to the Fiesta Carnival so they could enjoy the rides.  He automatically roped me in and I spent early morning cooking up big casseroles of pasta and preparing sandwiches for snacks.  Another Christmas eve had us travelling through the crowded streets of Metro Manila to locate a halfway house that we bought rice, t-shirts and some other necessities to donate to.  As usual, the ludicrous search for the right address was inundated with loud laughter and ridiculous tales! 

     He was just the kind of friend that was thoughtful and caring.  Even when we would talk on the phone every day, I would receive a thank-you card or some other silly items from him through the mail.   In fact, I had appointed him as the only member of the Comite de Festejos (Committee on Festivities) for my own wake.  Whenever he received a balikbayan box from his brother in the US, he would immediately search through the box for items that he could hand over to me.  It turned out that his brother bought branded items that had been returned or exchanged in exclusive boutiques in Beverly Hills at very, very low prices.  My friend was tasked to sell them in the Philippines and send the proceeds to his brother.  So, at a time when branded was not yet the rage, I already enjoyed having Ferragamo, Vuitton, and Nine West added to my own measly collection. 

     Christmas holidays have always been special for my family.  During these times, our home was always open especially to those who had no family to speak of.  We normally invited friends whose families were in the province or those who really did not belong to anyone.  Throughout the more than twenty years of relationship, this friend had always been with us on Christmas and New Year’s eves whenever he was in the Philippines.  On one particular Christmas eve, he failed to show for Noche Buena despite his confirmation that he would be with us.  The curious thing was that he left a box of ensaymada for our family at the reception area which meant that he did get to our place.  I tried to call him but the calls were unanswered.  Early into the new year, I was able to get through over the phone but he was succinct and cold.  Thinking that he was going through one of those tantrums, I allowed him time to get over this slump.  After a few weeks, I tried calling again but he was remote and strange.  After a few more tries to connect with him, I gave up.  From then, the friendship vanished into thin air. 

     A few years after, I woke from sleep with the image of him in distress.  The first thing I did was to call him and say hello.  Just to check how he was doing.  Again, he was remote and cold.  After that, I just closed my mind to any reconciliation. 

     I never knew what the reason was that this friendship ended.  It might have been my fault or it might have been his.  He may have outgrown our relationship, who knows.  But always, always, I remember him with fondness and affection.  I never regret the years I spent with him – chatting, laughing, planning, scheming, supporting, assisting and just being human.  Always, he would occupy a special space in my heart – a space that I visit now and then and smile.  I just hope he, too, may have good memories of me. 

    

Wow Wow Wil

     He could be one of the most maligned and misunderstood showbiz personality of his time.  Born of humble beginnings, Willie Revillame had a long, hard climb to reach his current stature as a bankable star par excellence.

     No matter what people may say about him now, I will always remember him as a humble and soft-spoken person.  At a time when we handled mall shows, Willie was always our first preference as host despite his nondescript status.  He always showed up at least one hour before call time and immediately asked for the program flow.  He would peep from backstage, size up the crowd and create his opening spiels.

     With the many shows he hosted for us, one stand out in a most special way.  This was a mall show we organized for the Easter Sunday celebration.  The variety show boasted of a very strong line-up of the hottest stars of that time.  The show was scheduled to start at 3:00 in the afternoon; and, Willie arrived at around 1:30 pm with Princess Punzalan in tow.  Princess was then his girlfriend and a future wife.  An hour before the show was to start, my beeper started ringing.  Yes, this was during the dark ages of beepers!  Messages came in from talent managers claiming that their stars were stuck in the traffic coming down from Baguio.   Maybe sensing our discomfort and apprehension, Willie offered to call for his friends.  Who were we to refuse such a generous offer! 

     To use up time that will allow his friends to hurry over to the mall, Willie opened the show with a couple of song numbers.  Princess, who was not part of the show, was urged to go onstage to sing with him to the thrill of the audience.  Soon, Willie’s good buddy, Francis M showed up.  Cesar M followed and I can’t recall anymore if Aga M also made an appearance.  These guys were not in the caliber of Richard Gomez at that time but what the heck!  The crowd was screaming their heads off and that was good enough for us. 

Willie with Princess Punzalan and some other entertainers of the time

Willie and Virna Lisa Loberiza-Mananzan

     It is, therefore, no wonder that I am one of those who quietly but consistently defend Willie whenever he gets involved in one controversy after another.  Even as he reaches the pinnacle of success, trouble seems to hound him which, I believe, is a testament of his persistence and staying power.

     Willie may no longer remember yours truly but it is all right with me.  Suffice it to say that he has made my life easier at a time when stress was the name of the game.  We lost touch while in the process of discussing plans for a television show for him and Francis M.  It was not because of him but because I was visited with numerous personal challenges!  Besides, to get to where he is today, he must have dealt with hundreds of promoters, organizers, advertisers, producers etc. that to expect to be remembered would just be ambitious!

     I am simply happy that Willie is where he is today; enjoying the trappings of success – mansions, luxury cars, a building to his name, yatch, and even an airplane.  Now and then, though, I whisper a silent prayer that he may soon find true joy and serenity in his heart.  Considering the number of people he has helped, he deserves no less. 

A Thousand Ways to Die

     You think death is a morbid topic?  Well, try getting caught in traffic in the Ortigas area with the noonday sun beating your car aircon hands down.  You will find yourselves talking about anything and everything to distract yourselves from the discomfort!

     It starts out innocently enough.

     I go, “When you went to Cagayan last year, did you have a hard time during the bus ride?”

     The Hubby answers, “Ang ginaw!  My jacket was not enough!”

     “Really?  Dapat pala may knitted sweatshirt ka tapos jacket.”

     “Maginaw din siguro.  Yung iba nga may blanket.”

     “Kung ako yun, I’ll cover myself with blanket from head to toe.  Siguro naman it will be warm na.  Pero ok ba yung c-r? Malinis?”

     “Oo naman and there are stops where you can eat so hindi ka magugutom.  Why are you asking?”

     “I was just thinking, it would be nice to try that beach in Sta. Ana.  Ang mahal na ng gas.  It’s impractical to bring the car.  White sanded daw yun.  Totoo?”

     “Oo, maganda daw talaga dun.  And it’s not so populated pa.  Kaya lang, di mo na siguro kakayanin magtravel by bus na long distance.”

     “Ano ka?  Siempre magpapa-condition ako.  Kaya nga nagtatanong eh.  Ambition ko sana mag-back-packing tayo.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

     “Baka mahirapan ka!”

     “Ay!  That’s what you think!  I will be in good condition to travel even rough roads.  Kasi gusto ko palaging top condition.  Hindi naman yung pang-running ng marathon pero yung healthy at strong kahit rough ang conditions.”

     “Talaga?”

     “Yup!  I want to be in top condition at kung mamamatay, yung hindi na mahihirapan at magli-linger.”

     “Hmmmm….”

     “Alam mo, gusto ko pareho nung nangyari kay Mr. Pua!  Winner yun.  Christmas party tapos nagsasayaw ng boogie.  Ayun!  Bigla na lang natumba – PATAY!   Champion yung ganun, di ba?”

     “Ganun ba nangyari sa kanya?”

     “Yup.  Dun pa lang sa party, alam na patay na.  Siempre tumawag pa ng doctor, just to confirm na patay nga at wala ng vital signs.”

     “Ok yun ah.  Walang gastos.”

     “Mayroon din.  Babayaran mo rin yung doctor na magsasabing patay ka na.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha”

     So the conversation goes on.  The topics centering on ways people died.

     My mother’s death also comes into the discussion.  Mama was diagnosed with cancer and was given sixty days to live.  The doctor said it would be useless to bring her back to Canada because they will just give her nursing care.  The cancer was far too advanced to be cured.  Being the stubborn lady that she was, she refused to be hospitalized for long.  We, therefore, had a hospital bed installed in her bedroom and found a family doctor friend to check on her every few days.  We hired a midwife to look after her and watched as she slowly deteriorated through the days.  In her last couple of weeks, she was on a high dosage of pain-killer and was half drugged almost all the time.  She always just had one request and that was for her grandchildren to stay around especially at night.  She would ask for the karaoke machine and everyone would sing the night away.  On the morning that she passed on, the funeral parlor came to pick up her remains.  When the neighbors saw this, they all came to ask what happened as we were still partying the night before.  I guess, they might have noticed that we were partying every night and reasoned it was because of my brother who flew in from abroad with his children.  No one was aware that we were just counting the days to say goodbye to our mother.   I reckon this is also a good way to die.  Having your loved ones surrounding you and singing your favorite songs and being high on drugs!  I often joked that my mom died an addict because as she neared the end, the time gaps between each injection of morphine became shorter and shorter.

     My aunt is another case.  Years before her death, she was operated on for colorectal cancer.  She lived in relative peace for two years or more until she was told she had another form of cancer.  This time, her daughter refused any operation as she feared that my aunt will not be able to withstand another round of medical intervention.  Instead, my cousin sought alternative healing modalities.  From pranic healing to naturopathic medicines to acupuncture to reflexology; you name it, they’ve tried it.  My aunt lived for another eight years after that.  Testament to her amazing survival was her doctor exclaiming “You’re still alive!” when she made a rare visit.  Came the time when my cousin worried that her mother was just sleeping through the days.  I was thinking that her system was starting to shut down.  One morning, my cousin called to inform that her mom cannot be roused from sleep.  Bless her kind soul, my aunt quietly died in her sleep.

     An uncle simply had the flu and asked to be hospitalized so that he will be more comfortable.  When he was settled in, he asked his helper to go back home and get him another blanket.  Before leaving, the helper looked back at my uncle.  According to him, my uncle just hiccoughed and dropped his head - dead.  Apparently, he had some form of infection that affected his heart. 

     Death holds such mystery and how it comes to each of us is as different as the way we were born.  One lesson, however, was shared to me by my friend, Julio, who narrated a very sad story.

     Julio had this childhood friend who became a big shot business tycoon.  The man owned many businesses and factories that all his time was not even enough to oversee his businesses.  There were days when he had to take a helicopter just to visit his companies in the North.  He had promised his wife that on their 40^th wedding anniversary, they would go on a round-the-world trip.  Came the anniversary and the couple flew off to their scheduled destination.  Three days into the trip, the man started getting fidgety and worried about his businesses.  Out of exasperation, his wife told him to go back home to his businesses but she would push through with their itinerary.  Home, he did come and again immersed himself in the operations of his businesses.  Eventually, the man got sick and was diagnosed with an incurable type of cancer.  Julio visited him to bid a last goodbye.  With tears in his eyes and a very weak voice, his friend told Julio that he would give all his riches if only he can have more time to get to know his now grown children and time to spend with his long neglected wife.  He died not long after.

     I had my own idea of death.  No matter what form it may come, I was thinking that I would lie in my coffin with my face covered by a Pierrot mask that would be connected to a button at the exterior of the coffin.  Every time someone comes to pay their last respect, my kids would naturally show them to my remains.  As they view my beautiful mask, one of my kids will press the button which will make the mask wink.  Cool!  Just to make the guest jump back for being such an “usi” (usisero)!  Who wants to look at a dead body! 

     There are those who say that life is preparation for death.  If that is the case, I don’t want to be regretful when the time comes.  I want to go where I should be and be with those whom I should be with.  I want to live, love, laugh myself hoarse and make others as happy as I feel.  And, yes, I want to go while dancing the boogie and simply just dropping dead!  From exhaustion, you say?  No, maybe from uncontained joy and laughter!  

Secrets

     Little Guy is constantly reminded never to keep secrets from us.   When asked why, I cited two reasons.  First is that you keep a secret because you want to surprise someone with a good deed but this secret will be revealed in a short while.  Second is that you are ashamed of what you have done so you want to keep it a secret.

     With Little Guy, therefore, the first things he blurts out are the very things you ask him to keep as a secret.  Things like “Don’t tell Lala that we indulged in ice cream, ok?” or “Don’t tell them I did not bathe you!”

     Well, maybe when he is older, I can tell him that he needs to keep other people’s secrets because that is those other people’s own business.  In the meantime, I am happy that he can be carefree without the burden of keeping any secret from us; much unlike some friends and acquaintances of mine.

       Take Sam for example, a man well into his late thirties or even early forties.  Has a good job and peaceful life.  Sam has a daughter from a past relationship in his youth.  He dotes on this daughter and whatever she asks, he gives.  The girl is in her pre-teen and since childhood, she has only one repeated wish of Sam – he should never get married.  It happens, though, that Sam has met, fallen in love and asked the girl of his dreams to marry.  The wedding is scheduled for a few days from now.  To date, Sam has been on needles and pins thinking of how and when he could break the news to his little girl.  His fiancée has always been supportive of him but in this instance, she asks if it will impact the girl less if he waits till she is a full grown lady.  Patiently, the fiancée waits for Sam to take action and maybe, cringing a little in anticipation for nuclear-like fall-out when truth is told.

     Maggie is another friend whose unsolved secret is even worse.  Attractive and smart, Maggie married young to her regret.  The man was irresponsible and such an unreliable provider they had to seek help and shelter with her parents.  Soon, Maggie asked for relief from the marriage and filed for annulment.  Because she had a little girl to support, Maggie sought and found a good job.  Thinking it would be less complicated, she passed herself off as Single in her application.  Through the years, she had been known as single and available in her working life.  Her darling daughter was often introduced as a niece.  Because of the love and protection of Maggie’s parents, the daughter, Raine, never felt anything was amiss with being introduced as a niece.  As luck would have it, Maggie met a decent man; an excellent “catch” so to say.  As soon as her annulment was approved, the couple married; the man completely ignorant of the previous marriage, annulment and Raine, the daughter.  All the time, he knew her as Raine, the niece under the care of his parents-in-law.   Raine is now in her late teens and still lives with her grandparents.  Often, during family reunions, she has to content herself with watching her mom, step-dad and new little sibling form the nucleus of a loving family.  When will she be allowed to join her real family – only time will tell. 

     Two parents, two daughters – all embroiled in a web of secrets and deception. 

     I can only watch them with devastating sadness.

An Organic Lifestyle

  

    I have lived the dream!  Believe it or not, I’ve been there and done that!  The ultimate of all these dreams is Geo Café where Bohemian reigned. 

     Geo Café was an organic restaurant at a time when organic was seldom heard of.  I took over the helm of the café from spouses Edgar and Yvonne Guevara.  Not only did we serve organic food but we had vegetarian food as well.  Thad Gayanelo and business partner, Jane Paredes created the menu and supplied the herbed bread.  Jacqui Alleje made sure we had organic lemon grass tea and organic goat cheese.  We served highland brown rice, organic vegetables and free range chicken.  All suppliers verified and recommended by the organic guru herself, Mara Pardo de Tavera. 

 wackyontheloose with Mara Pardo de Tavera, acknowledged organic guru

     The café served a highly specialized group; people seeking an alternative lifestyle – free of chemical pollution and toxins.  The group was an interesting mix of high achievers, famous artists and eccentrics.  With the latter making the operations most interesting.

     Activities were as varied as the characters that frequented the place.  There were organic food fests, tai-chi sessions, ballroom dancing nights, stand-up comedy nights, spirit dancing nights and special nights when the in-house band played.   There were lecture series covering alternative healing modalities.  Well-known alternative healing practitioners came and gave us pieces of their minds.  Almost everyone who came was a luminary in his/her own endeavor; Drs. Dick Manubay, Omar Arabia, Dr. Jaime Galvez-Tan, Riza and Frank Regis.  Gilda Cordero Fernando, Mariel Francisco, Rose Scott, Lyvia Martinez and others. 

Edgar Guevara discussing his organic farm in Pangasinan 

     Against this array of high profile celebrities, one regular character in the café that stood out was Jess Abejo.  Medium height, extremely thin, long, oily, salt and pepper hair usually pulled into a loose ponytail, Jess pronounced his family name as Abejou (A – be – jew ) to give it a French kick.  From his introduction, you immediately realize that this man is a character extra-ordinaire! 

     He spoke with a stutter but always the grammar was impeccable and the manners were refined.  He spent his nights in the tree house within the café’s compound together with all the other homeless pseudo-artists in the community.  He was a constant presence in the café and could discuss various topics intelligently.  He never ordered food and we suspected that every peso he had was reserved for whatever drug he was hooked on.  Nonetheless, he was always fed courtesy of the management.  Besides, he ate like a bird and a little always seemed too much.  In return, he entertained us with the stories he spun.  His background was always a little intriguing; considering that his manners and behavior reflected someone “to the manor born” as they would say.  When asked about his family, he revealed that he was from the rich Abejo clan from Misamis or some Visayan province.  I cannot exactly recall by now.  He claimed that his family owned the only tertiary hospital in the province and that he came from a family of doctors.  His story was that he, himself, was studying to be a doctor.  Due to an accidental ingestion of glass splinters while on a drinking spree, he almost died.  Investigation later showed that the splinters were intentionally put in his drinks.  As he was too drunk at that point, he did not feel anything unusual.  After his operation for which he had a long abdominal scar to show, he had a change of heart about finishing his medical course.  He decided to study arts at the Sorbonne University in Paris. 

     Jess spoke French fluently or so it appeared to us.  For all we knew, he could have just been throwing all kinds of French words together!  I, for one, was agog at this skill.  He loved everything French.  When France’s Independence Day was nearing, he personally went to the embassy to inquire about its planned activities and suggested that the café join them in some way.  Unfortunately, plans had already been made months before and there was no way our participation can be accommodated.  Not to be defeated, this puzzling man came up with Plan B.   Because we had our in-house band, he suggested that we could have a whole night of music and dancing and frolicking.  Somebody added that to make it more challenging, we could invite other bands from Baguio City.  Thus, I gave the go signal for the event we called “Tatagal ka ba?” (Will you last?) to be held simultaneously with the French embassy’s “Fete de la Musique”!

     From nowhere, I started getting confirmations from bands of their participation.  They came with their groupies on the appointed day and played by turns from 4:00 in the afternoon – with complete abandon.  Beer flowed, crowds came and went, supporters and guests had a good time.  Even the resident ghosts made an appearance.  Until, of course, the police came to snuff out the noise at 4:30 in the morning!  Everybody was in a stupor days after.

     Looking back, I regret not having spent more time to solve the enigma that was Jess Abejew.   I still ask myself whether he had been disowned by a wealthy family because deep in my heart, there was no doubt that he came from a good and well-educated one.   Now and then, I remember him and wonder where the winds of time might have carried him. 

The Golden Rule

     When we were doing trade shows, venues were always at a premium.  Competitors will stab you in the back to get the schedules they wanted and the specific spots that serve them best. 

     I had one competitor who was extremely malicious in going about his business.  He often made anonymous complaints with regards to our product profile and claimed that what we had was contrary to those stipulated in our contract.  He spread rumors such as impending cancellation causing clients to back out.  Many times, too, he copied our concepts passing them off as his own; not to mention, his attempts to pirate all my staff. He was successful at times in the premature termination of our contracts with the venue operators.  Needless to say, this caused us loss of revenue as well as put us on shaky ground with our clients.  My staff just hated this guy and some were even threatening to rough him up (just a bit, they would add).

    

     Always I would tell them to simply sit back and watch what will happen in the future.  I was so sure that I would get my revenge sooner or later.  Without commenting on it, I also noticed that practically all our projects were successful and clients were lining up to book their slots.  Because of the threat this competitor always posed, I was driven to come up with better concepts, better implementation and explore additional venues that will be receptive to our ideas.  This went on for years until venue owners discovered that several rental checks from this man had been returned by the bank for insufficiency of funds.  He was getting away with non-payment only because the venue manager was covering up for him.  All his subsequent projects were cancelled and he was practically a pariah at that point.  His own staff abandoned him and even stole his clients away. 

     To be able to survive, he had to contend himself in an area that was far from the hub of trade shows and exhibits.  He was constrained to open a new area but with no money to oil his operation, he did not have the equipment and the booths necessary to set up his exhibit.  Because of his doubtful status, no client wanted to take a chance with him and the few that were willing to sign up refused to cough out down-payment. 

     With no one to help him, the man wisely turned to me, his supposed fiercest competitor! 

    

   I agreed to supply him the booths to start him off.  When he left my office, my trusted employees confronted me.  They were very disappointed and frustrated that I had agreed to help this man who had made their work lives miserable many times over.  I simply reminded them about the times I told them to just keep quiet and open their eyes because this is the payback time they had been waiting for.  Besides, I told them that I never kick anyone already on their knees.  It’s more fun fighting someone in top form!  Pure and simple, it was karma and it was heart-warming to be shown evidence that it really works. 

     In fairness to this man, years after I retired from the industry, a former client commented that with all the invectives this ex-competitor dishes out (up to present) against competitors, when asked about me, all he has are high praises about how excellent my work had been.  Maybe he has finally learned his lesson on karma and maybe, I justly deserve the praise.  He-he-he!!!!

     Recently, I had the opportunity to oversee an event where I slipped and fractured my left wrist.  The accident occurred at a spot which I earlier complained to the venue supervisor as slippery.  I even said something to the effect that it was “an accident waiting to happen.”  Unfortunately, I was the accident that happened.  I had to wait for the debutante and her family to arrive before I could take an official leave.  At this point, my wrist was swollen to double its size and appeared bruised.  No one among the venue staff even offered to call a doctor or bring me to the hospital. 

     The Hubby immediately came to my rescue and brought me to the hospital where my worst fear of a fracture was confirmed. 

     All my kids were upset with Only Son demanding that I sue the venue for its negligence.   Apparently, Only Son has a friend working in the insurance industry who told him that the venue’s insurance company should pay.  What rankled really was the seeming nonchalance of the venue staff over the accident.  All they did was say sorry and that was that! 

     Despite Only Son’s insistence that I sue, I refrained from such action reasoning that I am too old to get embroiled in a court case.  I simply wrote a letter of complaint and sent off pictures of my injury plus out-of-pocket expenses involved.  The Operations Manager of the venue was first apprehensive to discuss matters but upon assurance that I had no intention of suing and that neither am I an irate complainant, we finally discussed matters.  Of course, it helped that I had once before done an event in another venue owned by the same company, dealt with the very same Operations Manager and was totally pleased with their cooperation and service.  First off, I wanted the staff especially the supervisor to be reprimanded for negligence because the accident could happen again.  I requested that, if possible, the ramp area should be remedied because it really was a dangerous area.  Then, I wanted reimbursement for actual expenses incurred.     There was no mention of loss of opportunities, the time being the Christmas holidays when events were at a peak; nor claims for physical sufferings and all of that drama.  We settled the details after the final clearance of the orthopedic doctor.  The incident left me with an arm on a sling but no worse.  The venue owners maybe dented their pocketbook a bit but also no worse.  No histrionics, no problems.   “Until we see each other in the next event” were our parting words.  No rancor, no recriminations.

     A few weeks after, the Hubby and Eldest Daughter got involved in a vehicular accident.  They were at a stop in traffic and Hubby suddenly had the urge to get out of the car to check what was causing traffic to be stuck up.  As he opened the car door, BANG!!!  A motorcycling couple was driving through the spaces between the stopped cars.  Before he realized what happened, Hubby saw a lady sprawled on the street.  As soon as they could manage it, they immediately brought the couple to the nearest hospital.  X-rays were taken and fortunately, there were no fractures seen.  The lady suffered from a bump on her knee which by then was already blue.  Eldest Daughter found out that the couple just came from a job interview as the lady was job-hunting.  She got into the details of job qualifications just to verify if she could recommend the lady in the company she works for.  There being no possibility, Eldest Daughter instead gave them a few thousand pesos which they initially refused because the Hubby had already bought them the medicines prescribed.   Eldest Daughter insisted, however, telling them that because of the pain on her knee, the lady would be sidelined for a few days.  Just to help them with expenses.  They bade goodbye in the best of terms.  No rancor, no recriminations. 

     This incident gave me enormous joy and peace to realize that Karma is always at work as the world turns around.  

     As you do unto others, so it will be done unto you.   

Morning with My Ham

     

     He wakes me up this morning simply to ask, “ Lala, what is peer pressure?”

     That’s the Little Guy in my life!

     “Peer pressure is when your friends make you do something bad even if you know it is bad just because all of them are doing it.”

     “ Lala, what is epal?”

     “Oh, that is when somebody tries to make bida-bida.”

     “What is bida-bida?”

     “ Uhhhh…. That is when someone always tries to look like the hero!”

     “Ah!  That is when Carlos (the classroom bully) tells everybody to be angry with me.  He is making epal!”

     A moment of silence.

     “You know, Lala, Kurt is also epal because when everyone fights with me, even if we are friends, he also fights me.  That is epal, no?”

     “Well, anyway, you can tell them that you don’t need them.  They are just envious of you.  You are best in math, best in science, best in vocabulary, and best in reading!”

     “Hmmm…. Lala, I’m not best in math.  It’s best in spelling.”

     “Oh, okay.  Best in spelling then.”

     “But Kurt also has one medal.  Best in declamation.  What does that mean?"

     “ It only means he is good at making speeches.  Like blah blah blah (on and on with the proper intonation I go).  It’s easy to do that.  You can also be best in declamation if you wanted to!”

     “Yeah, that’s right.  I have four medals and they have none!”

     “Yup.  So let me sleep a bit more.”

     Silence for a second.

     “Huh… Lala, I am hungry na.  Can you cook breakfast now?”

     Another day of My Ham starts.  It’s like having Simsimi with me all the time except that with Simsimi, you start things by asking the questions. 

     Good morning, World!