A Thousand Ways to Die

     You think death is a morbid topic?  Well, try getting caught in traffic in the Ortigas area with the noonday sun beating your car aircon hands down.  You will find yourselves talking about anything and everything to distract yourselves from the discomfort!

     It starts out innocently enough.

     I go, “When you went to Cagayan last year, did you have a hard time during the bus ride?”

     The Hubby answers, “Ang ginaw!  My jacket was not enough!”

     “Really?  Dapat pala may knitted sweatshirt ka tapos jacket.”

     “Maginaw din siguro.  Yung iba nga may blanket.”

     “Kung ako yun, I’ll cover myself with blanket from head to toe.  Siguro naman it will be warm na.  Pero ok ba yung c-r? Malinis?”

     “Oo naman and there are stops where you can eat so hindi ka magugutom.  Why are you asking?”

     “I was just thinking, it would be nice to try that beach in Sta. Ana.  Ang mahal na ng gas.  It’s impractical to bring the car.  White sanded daw yun.  Totoo?”

     “Oo, maganda daw talaga dun.  And it’s not so populated pa.  Kaya lang, di mo na siguro kakayanin magtravel by bus na long distance.”

     “Ano ka?  Siempre magpapa-condition ako.  Kaya nga nagtatanong eh.  Ambition ko sana mag-back-packing tayo.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

     “Baka mahirapan ka!”

     “Ay!  That’s what you think!  I will be in good condition to travel even rough roads.  Kasi gusto ko palaging top condition.  Hindi naman yung pang-running ng marathon pero yung healthy at strong kahit rough ang conditions.”

     “Talaga?”

     “Yup!  I want to be in top condition at kung mamamatay, yung hindi na mahihirapan at magli-linger.”

     “Hmmmm….”

     “Alam mo, gusto ko pareho nung nangyari kay Mr. Pua!  Winner yun.  Christmas party tapos nagsasayaw ng boogie.  Ayun!  Bigla na lang natumba – PATAY!   Champion yung ganun, di ba?”

     “Ganun ba nangyari sa kanya?”

     “Yup.  Dun pa lang sa party, alam na patay na.  Siempre tumawag pa ng doctor, just to confirm na patay nga at wala ng vital signs.”

     “Ok yun ah.  Walang gastos.”

     “Mayroon din.  Babayaran mo rin yung doctor na magsasabing patay ka na.  Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha”

     So the conversation goes on.  The topics centering on ways people died.

     My mother’s death also comes into the discussion.  Mama was diagnosed with cancer and was given sixty days to live.  The doctor said it would be useless to bring her back to Canada because they will just give her nursing care.  The cancer was far too advanced to be cured.  Being the stubborn lady that she was, she refused to be hospitalized for long.  We, therefore, had a hospital bed installed in her bedroom and found a family doctor friend to check on her every few days.  We hired a midwife to look after her and watched as she slowly deteriorated through the days.  In her last couple of weeks, she was on a high dosage of pain-killer and was half drugged almost all the time.  She always just had one request and that was for her grandchildren to stay around especially at night.  She would ask for the karaoke machine and everyone would sing the night away.  On the morning that she passed on, the funeral parlor came to pick up her remains.  When the neighbors saw this, they all came to ask what happened as we were still partying the night before.  I guess, they might have noticed that we were partying every night and reasoned it was because of my brother who flew in from abroad with his children.  No one was aware that we were just counting the days to say goodbye to our mother.   I reckon this is also a good way to die.  Having your loved ones surrounding you and singing your favorite songs and being high on drugs!  I often joked that my mom died an addict because as she neared the end, the time gaps between each injection of morphine became shorter and shorter.

     My aunt is another case.  Years before her death, she was operated on for colorectal cancer.  She lived in relative peace for two years or more until she was told she had another form of cancer.  This time, her daughter refused any operation as she feared that my aunt will not be able to withstand another round of medical intervention.  Instead, my cousin sought alternative healing modalities.  From pranic healing to naturopathic medicines to acupuncture to reflexology; you name it, they’ve tried it.  My aunt lived for another eight years after that.  Testament to her amazing survival was her doctor exclaiming “You’re still alive!” when she made a rare visit.  Came the time when my cousin worried that her mother was just sleeping through the days.  I was thinking that her system was starting to shut down.  One morning, my cousin called to inform that her mom cannot be roused from sleep.  Bless her kind soul, my aunt quietly died in her sleep.

     An uncle simply had the flu and asked to be hospitalized so that he will be more comfortable.  When he was settled in, he asked his helper to go back home and get him another blanket.  Before leaving, the helper looked back at my uncle.  According to him, my uncle just hiccoughed and dropped his head - dead.  Apparently, he had some form of infection that affected his heart. 

     Death holds such mystery and how it comes to each of us is as different as the way we were born.  One lesson, however, was shared to me by my friend, Julio, who narrated a very sad story.

     Julio had this childhood friend who became a big shot business tycoon.  The man owned many businesses and factories that all his time was not even enough to oversee his businesses.  There were days when he had to take a helicopter just to visit his companies in the North.  He had promised his wife that on their 40^th wedding anniversary, they would go on a round-the-world trip.  Came the anniversary and the couple flew off to their scheduled destination.  Three days into the trip, the man started getting fidgety and worried about his businesses.  Out of exasperation, his wife told him to go back home to his businesses but she would push through with their itinerary.  Home, he did come and again immersed himself in the operations of his businesses.  Eventually, the man got sick and was diagnosed with an incurable type of cancer.  Julio visited him to bid a last goodbye.  With tears in his eyes and a very weak voice, his friend told Julio that he would give all his riches if only he can have more time to get to know his now grown children and time to spend with his long neglected wife.  He died not long after.

     I had my own idea of death.  No matter what form it may come, I was thinking that I would lie in my coffin with my face covered by a Pierrot mask that would be connected to a button at the exterior of the coffin.  Every time someone comes to pay their last respect, my kids would naturally show them to my remains.  As they view my beautiful mask, one of my kids will press the button which will make the mask wink.  Cool!  Just to make the guest jump back for being such an “usi” (usisero)!  Who wants to look at a dead body! 

     There are those who say that life is preparation for death.  If that is the case, I don’t want to be regretful when the time comes.  I want to go where I should be and be with those whom I should be with.  I want to live, love, laugh myself hoarse and make others as happy as I feel.  And, yes, I want to go while dancing the boogie and simply just dropping dead!  From exhaustion, you say?  No, maybe from uncontained joy and laughter!