I got a message yesterday from a young
friend who has been trying hard to patch things up and reconcile two other
ex-friends. Out of frustration perhaps,
this friend sought information from me as to the reason for the split. Apparently, she had approached both friends
and while Friend X was willing to patch things up, Friend Y was not. Friend X professed not to know what the
reason was for the sudden remoteness and indifference of Friend Y to him. I had been unable to enlighten her because I
treat whatever revelations there might have been as confidential unless given
permission to talk about it. All I could
do was to advise this young friend to just let it be. Some people never being destined to be
together for long.
I
added, though, that while the friendship lasts, we should all strive to make
good memories together and when the time comes to part, to wish each other
well. Some may think this to be such a
cold approach but as I have said before, I had been there and done that. And, I have realized that despite the fact
that some relationships have no formal closure, we manage to move on only
because we have good memories of the time spent on the relationship.
I had this friend that I truly, truly
loved! We could have been two peas in a
pod. Both talkative, smart (ahem), and
scheming, we spent endless hours on the phone planning our next attack on the
human race in general. We had our ups
and downs, quarrels where we would not speak for months and months. My cousin, Lyja, always attributed it to our
conflicting Chinese signs. He was a
Monkey whle I was a Tiger and according to Lyja, we are just not meant to get
involved in anything together. It’s not
good “chi”! But, always, things were
ironed out in the long run, mostly due to his efforts, and we would get
together closer and rowdier than before.
Being gay, this friend was practically a
pariah in his own family. My family, on
the other hand, welcomed him with sincere warmth and affection; and, always, he
was treated with respect as all older members of the family deserve. I never minded playing second fiddle to his
ego either. When he was invited to give
a speech somewhere in a high end hotel, I did not mind asking The Hubby to
drive him there and me acting as some sort of assistant carrying his briefcase
and notes. After we dropped him off, The
Hubby and I took in a movie and waited for him to finish his business so we
could pick him up at the hotel lobby – all to impress his hosts. I always rounded up my daughters to assist in
the events that he organized. We always
pretended that I was his assistant because his real hired assistants never
lasted long. What with his erratic
temper! We often started our day with our own version
of “kapihan” (coffee session) – on the
phone. He was somewhere at the far end
of Quezon City while I was in the center of Manila. The Hubby could always tell when this friend
is on the line with me because of my raucous laughter.
His weakness was in the way he managed his
finances. Often he would ask me to issue
him blank checks for some unknown payee and fail to cover part of the
amounts. With another friend, he asked
her to come along for an antique hunting trip where she bought so many items
that he said he needed for a house he was decorating. Of course, that was the last she saw of her
items and money. He hid from all of us
for quite a while after that incident and only reappeared a year after. I don’t know how he settled all of his
obligations to this other friend but she later told me that in a friendship
with him, we all just needed to decide which is more important for us – our money
or our friend. Needless to say, I had always chosen my
friend. Maybe some crazy part of me
needed the unbalance he often provided.
Besides, I knew him also as a very generous person. When I had someone come to me for help
because this person could not pay her electric bills, I called my friend and
asked if he was willing to go half and half with me to foot the bill. I did not have enough spare cash then to
cover the entire bill and I did not intend to collect the amount in the future
even if the person was asking for a “loan”.
My friend readily agreed and sent the money to my bank the next
day. One Christmas, he decided he would
single-handedly bring orphans to the Fiesta Carnival so they could enjoy the
rides. He automatically roped me in and
I spent early morning cooking up big casseroles of pasta and preparing
sandwiches for snacks. Another Christmas
eve had us travelling through the crowded streets of Metro Manila to locate a
halfway house that we bought rice, t-shirts and some other necessities to
donate to. As usual, the ludicrous
search for the right address was inundated with loud laughter and ridiculous
tales!
He was just the kind of friend that was
thoughtful and caring. Even when we
would talk on the phone every day, I would receive a thank-you card or some
other silly items from him through the mail.
In fact, I had appointed him as
the only member of the Comite de Festejos (Committee on Festivities) for my own
wake. Whenever he received a balikbayan
box from his brother in the US, he would immediately search through the box for
items that he could hand over to me. It
turned out that his brother bought branded items that had been returned or
exchanged in exclusive boutiques in Beverly Hills at very, very low
prices. My friend was tasked to sell
them in the Philippines and send the proceeds to his brother. So, at a time when branded was not yet the
rage, I already enjoyed having Ferragamo, Vuitton, and Nine West added to my
own measly collection.
Christmas holidays have always been
special for my family. During these
times, our home was always open especially to those who had no family to speak
of. We normally invited friends whose
families were in the province or those who really did not belong to
anyone. Throughout the more than twenty
years of relationship, this friend had always been with us on Christmas and New
Year’s eves whenever he was in the Philippines.
On one particular Christmas eve, he failed to show for Noche Buena
despite his confirmation that he would be with us. The curious thing was that he left a box of
ensaymada for our family at the reception area which meant that he did get to
our place. I tried to call him but the
calls were unanswered. Early into the
new year, I was able to get through over the phone but he was succinct and
cold. Thinking that he was going through
one of those tantrums, I allowed him time to get over this slump. After a few weeks, I tried calling again but
he was remote and strange. After a few
more tries to connect with him, I gave up.
From then, the friendship vanished into thin air.
A
few years after, I woke from sleep with the image of him in distress. The first thing I did was to call him and say
hello. Just to check how he was
doing. Again, he was remote and
cold. After that, I just closed my mind
to any reconciliation.
I never knew what the reason was that this
friendship ended. It might have been my
fault or it might have been his. He may
have outgrown our relationship, who knows.
But always, always, I remember him with fondness and affection. I never regret the years I spent with him –
chatting, laughing, planning, scheming, supporting, assisting and just being
human. Always, he would occupy a special
space in my heart – a space that I visit now and then and smile. I just hope he, too, may have good memories
of me.
This post makes me really sad. That’s life. And we should know that. Some of us cross paths for a few moments. But their memories, their influences on us and love for these people will last for the rest of our lives. Nakakalungkot naman to tita.
ReplyDeleteMalulungkot lang siguro ako kung nasayang ang panahon. As it is, marami akong memories na maganda at masaya. When I look back at those times, I feel a certain sadness but more a satisfaction that for a moment in time, I shared my life with someone I truly love and appreciate and with whom my laughter rang unabated. Ganun din naman ako sa inyong lahat. Such that if you need to walk away because life is taking you elsewhere.... I can bid goodbye with fondness and love and good thoughts for your success.
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